Building Self Confidence when you Have None

Everything seems easier when you’re brimming with self-confidence. Self-confidence provides a solid foundation for living a life of happiness and accomplishing great things. Unfortunately, it seems like the world is doing everything in its power to destroy whatever self-confidence you might enjoy. At least that is how I have felt the last couple of months.

This feeling has intensified in the last two weeks. I have felt like I am being stalked by the proverbial “Black Dog” and it has been nipping at my heels, eroding the self confidence I had.

Numerous events have occurred over the past two weeks which have compounded my feelings of worthlessness, including being called unprofessional for a rostering problem that was not my doing, having a near miss car accident with a client in the car (which has triggered memories from a major accident in my 20s) and not receiving any support from my employer, being attacked on social media for liking someone’s reply to post I had made and the icing on the cake was the not being able to sleep because of incessant barking of one of my pets at a possum from 1am to 4am and not being able to get the dog inside.

While some of these events may seem minor, the compounding effect of the these events combined to trigger multiple trauma responses for me.

The dark world of suicidal thoughts descended. Thankfully, I knew what do.

I have done enough work on myself to know that my opinion of myself shapes my beliefs, behaviors, and outcomes. The longer I stay in a dark place, the darker the world becomes.

So here are some things that I do to help with building self confidence and they might just help you.

Start small

When my self-confidence is lacking, I start small. There are many simple things you can do that make a difference. Here are a few:

Have a shower, and get dressed including your shoes. There is something about putting your shoes on that gets you ready to take action.

  • Make the bed as soon as you get out of it.
  • Smile.
  • Stand outside in the sun for 10 minutes, breathing in the fresh air.
  • Blow bubbles.

Take control of your internal dialog

Notice the negative things you say to yourself and quickly edit them into a more positive version. This requires time and energy, but the payoff is huge.


I volunteer for a couple of organisations and I find that my self confidence improves when I do something for someone else. I have made new friends and received support from others in these roles. As an added bonus, volunteering is free of charge. Check out volunteering opportunities at

Be prepared

The more I am prepared for things, the more confident I feel. Whether it is a presentation at work, a meeting with my accountant, a date, or a party on the social horizon. I think about what clothes fit the occasion, who will be there, where I need to go? The more I feel that I am prepared, the less anxious I feel and the stronger I feel.

You’ll feel much more confident when you’re highly prepared.

Set a small goal and achieve it

Nothing builds confidence like success, so make success easy. Choose a small, yet meaningful, goal and ensure you achieve it. our goal can be a small as taking the rubbish out or doing the dishes or getting one of your email boxes cleared. Enjoy the success. You’ll have the confidence to go after a bigger goal next time. A steady stream of victories is the surest way to boost your self-confidence. You’ll feel like there’s nothing you can’t do.

Surround yourself with those that support your happiness

This one is huge and for me, one of the best ways to boost my self confidence. There are a few people in my life that really do lift me up with love, support and no judgement.

Does your sister still pick on you after 30 years? Tell her to stay away until she can be kind. Spend time with others who encourage you. You only need a few good friends to make life worthwhile. Consider trimming your social circle and keep the people that routinely treat you the best.

As Tony Robbins says, Proximity is Power! If you want to have an extraordinary life surround yourself with people who make you better.

Make a list of your strengths, talents, and accomplishments

Rather than focusing on the things you don’t do well, spend some time being positive. Grab a pen and a piece of paper.

  • Write down your greatest achievements?
  • What do you do well?
  • What are your strengths? Check out one of the many online strengths assessments to find out what they are if you don’t know.
  • Make a long list and keep writing until you’ve run out of ideas. You’ll be amazed by how amazing you are.

Avoid comparisons to others

Stop comparing yourself to other people. Sure, your cousin makes more money. Your neighbour is more attractive. Your boss drives a better car. It’s easy to find someone doing better in some small way. Instead of comparing yourself to others, compare yourself to yourself. Have you gained or lost weight since last month? How has your bank account changed since last year? Focus on your personal progress and forget about making comparisons to others.

A high level of self-confidence makes every part of life easier.

Create a strong foundation for achieving those big goals by taking the actions required to boost your confidence and self-esteem. Self-confidence gives you the power to change your life.


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